Hi paper nerd.
Yeesh, it’s been days since I’ve seen the sun. I’m not exaggerating. Hence the garden table photo sesh. :)
I also feel so depleted of energy. It’s the pregnancy, sure, but it has to be the lack of sun as well. Anyone else feeling a slight winter blues already?
This week’s pages are quite personal but I really don’t mind sharing. Sharing is actually good for me, I feel. Let’s dive in.
Some things you can prepare for, others you can’t.
I’ve talked about this before: The complicated birth I had with Ada and how it’s been one of the most extreme experiences of my life. Giving birth is extreme in itself, in a way. It’s life changing. Having an emergency c-section under general anesthesia with a 20 minute warning is pretty life-changingly awful.
Just trying to keep it real, guys. Maybe this post can help someone else who experienced something similar.
It’s been four years since it happened and I’ve been able to ignore the damage it did to me for a long time – until I got pregnant again. I’d actually more or less told Steffen when things got serious that I wasn’t going to have any more kids. Way to avoid dealing, huh?
Not long after starting the regular midwife consultations it became quite apparent to everyone that I need to work on this trauma of mine. Bawling your eyes out in just about every doctor’s and midwife’s office in town is clue number one.
So I got the number of a therapist. Now, I’m used to handling my own emotional business (ie. sweeping things under the rug) so I obviously did NOT call the therapist for weeks until my best friend demanded I do it. And I’m so happy I did.
Let them go.
I’m working on obsessing less over stuff I cannot control. And focusing more on the things I can.
I’m preparing for our baby boy now – not by imagining everything that can go wrong, but by making sure everything’s ready for when he arrives.
I’m 28 weeks and 2 days pregnant (when writing this) so there’s still a long-ish wait left but I really need to get some of the practical stuff done. It’s helping me be less emotional about it all and more rational.
Sorry if all this is TMI. Like I said, I’m really not bothered sharing. Every time I tell the story it helps me cope.
Let’s end on a lighter note by enjoying this gratuitous shot of some pretty paper and a few doodles I made. I’m making an effort to draw something every day and my new art journal setup is making it so easy. I have less fear of just drawing and potentially making something “ugly” ’cause I can always just take the page out.
Thanks so much for stopping by, my friend.
Much love, Nina.